Anxiety is a real thing. It is a shadow that follows you through the light and the dark. I suffer from sometimes crippling anxiety that keeps me up some nights.
I am a person that cares about others. That is what I do. That is one thing that I am consistently good at doing. While I do have a love for music, film, photography, and art; my true passion is people, more specifically, caring about those people in my life. It is a trait or passion that is recognized as a positive characteristic. But what happens when that characteristic of selflessness consumes you whole? Leaving you constantly worrying that your actions are affecting the people that you care about... That's where the anxiety sets in.
I recently started a new journey in many respects. New lifestyle, new job, revisited hobbies, new home. I feel incredibly lucky to have all of the new opportunities at this time but then again, anxiety kicks in and I am left with these feelings...
"This is great. I am happy for now... But what if it takes the place of achieving my real dreams?"
"What if I'm not good enough to succeed in the career I set out to achieve?"
"Am I pushing the people that I love most away to achieve this? You're only happiest when you surround yourself with loved ones?"
"What if I miss out on supporting them in their endeavors as a pursue my own?"
"Do they feel that I am not as supportive as I once was?"
"I consider myself to be a good friend, colleague, and family member... Is that just my ego? I've seen that facade done before by others."
... I'm going to stop right here to spare you the other anxiety ridden questions that swirl around my head to keep my post under 1000 pages.
Some days are harder than others. Just a few days ago I had one of the worst anxiety attacks I've ever had, leaving me a puddle of self doubt, unable too sleep, really unable to breathe. After a scary and more so annoying sleepless night, I spent the majority of the day in bed, causing even more anxiety as I had to call out of work, which I hate doing. It was that afternoon that I decided that I would no longer let myself fall victim to these attacks. I would remember my self worth and all of the wonderful things that I am, have done, and will do. I need to fall in love with myself again.... because until then I cannot continue to do the one thing that I am really good at- care about the world and the people that I meet. I have always thought the phrase "you have to love about yourself before you can love anyone else" was a cheesy line that we feed to the bitter girl going through a break up but it is the honest truth.
So friends, I have decided to start campaign of sorts inviting everyone to take a second to look at the bigger picture. See the silver lining if you will. I want to start a movement where one can recognize that taking care of yourself is essential, especially in my case. I want to start a movement where we can appreciate who we are right now and not focus on who we want to be constantly. So my friends I start with a post. A post appreciating the lovable
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